POETRYBYGINNY ~ NO MORE SHOPPING

Shopping's not my favorite thing,
I gave it up some time ago,
Styles now are different

From those I used to know.

I hate to shop for dresses,
Which are made too short or long,
Now to cease beneath one's chubby knees

Is not in fashion and is wrong.

Current clothing hardly covers one,
It bares too much flesh and skin,
And those of us a bit obese,
Are often viewed with wicked grins

Long pants or slacks are now the norm,
Most every woman dons them,
But for gals with hips like battleships,
That attire surely wrongs them.

And sizes are no longer true,

A fourteen fits like a ten,

And it seems I need a size sixteen

Since I can't fit in a ten again

Swimsuits are not made for water,
They consist of thongs and pasties,
They're a total joke on older folk,
Who are neither cute nor racy.

Styles are geared to younger gals,

Who must breathe in labored gasps,
From those tight sweaters that they wear,
And their stretched-out spandex pants.

Pointy toes and spike-like heels

Are the kind of shoes they choose to wear,

But the comfy, fat, athletic flats

Are what I like for my affairs.

When I shop now, I'm desperate,
I have to be in dire need,
I grit my teeth and pray for help,
Before I dare proceed.

I approach the local Wal-Mart,
Like a soldier off to war,
The battlefield so noisy,

I cringe inside the door.

Equipped with credit cards and elbows,
Through the madding crowd, I plow,

My shopping cart's become a tank,

And, though well armed, I'm cowed.

Still I fill my cart up to its brim,
And I feel that victory's been won,
But when presented with the bill,
I think, "Good grief! What have I done?"

Then when I unpack my goodies,
Upon my arrival home,
I had not bought what I had sought,
And I wail and moan and groan.

No, I don't enjoy shopping,
I just don't like it anymore,

Sizes, prices, racks, and stacks,
Make it an awful chore.

Would I could go completely bare,
I wouldn't mind at all,
Though I suppose Security
Would bar me from the mall.

If I went out in my birthday suit,
I'd most likely shock some folks,
Who might wonder how I dared to wear,
What they might call a joke.

I am sure they would be puzzled
About where I'd been to shop,

But my outfit is custom-made,

And, for sure, it can't be bought!

So, you see, shopping's not for me,
Be it by catalog or store,
It's just not what it used to be,
So I plan to shop no more.